5 Things To Stop Expecting From Others
When we place expectations on others, we set ourselves up for disappointment. The expectations we set for our relationships and interactions create unnecessary suffering.
In life, we are all at different places on our journeys to discovery, so remember that a person’s words and actions will reflect that. Learning to temper what you expect from others will help you reduce dissatisfaction and create happier relationships.
If you want healthier interactions and to refocus on things that really matter to you, start by:
1. Stop expecting people to agree with you
The world would be quite boring if no one ever disagreed. Every individual has a unique perspective and belief, so stop expecting them to agree with you all the time. Instead, hear them out. Dare to be yourself and follow your intuition. Don’t compare yourself; stay true to your own purpose. You deserve to be happy and excited about the life you live. Don’t let others’ opinions make you change that, nor expect others to live up to yours.
2. Stop expecting people to mind read
People can’t read your mind. Learn to express yourself more honestly. Just because you might be more sensitive to body language and understand how others feel doesn’t mean the person you are interacting with is on the same wavelength. They will never know how you feel unless you communicate it to them. So be an effective communicator. It will build stronger relationships, too.
3. Stop expecting them to treat you the way you treat yourself
Reflect on the way you are with yourself. How do you treat yourself? If people are treating you poorly, just understand that sometimes it’s not you. Rather, the people who treat you poorly may lack a true relationship with themselves. What if people are treating you unfairly because you treat them better than yourself? Decide this minute to never beg for the attention, respect, or love that you should be showing yourself. Learn to spend time with yourself, become aware of your thoughts, and show self-love.
4. Stop expecting others to fit your idea of who they are
When you stop expecting people to be a certain way, you can begin to appreciate them for who they are. Society lives and breathes expectations. It takes a lot of self-awareness to respect people for who they are – but practice makes perfect, right? You will realize every human is remarkable and carries a beautiful story that makes them amazing; it just takes patience and a pair of ears to listen.
5. Stop expecting massive change
If there’s a behavior that bothers you about someone you care for and you’re hoping it’ll change over time, it probably won’t. Realize that each individual is shaped by his/her experiences from birth. We all have a different perspective on the world, depending on the environment, culture, and context we grew up in and live in.
By expecting someone to change, you implicitly want to form somebody else into someone who is closer to yourself, because this way this person is more understandable to you based on your own standards and terms of living. Either accept who they are or choose to live without them. Best advice personally: get to know the other person’s reasoning and thinking, support them, and build a relationship based on this understanding. If it’s a flaw they’re aware of, support them. Gradual change will allow them to grow, and what really changes is the way you see them.
People infrequently behave the way you want them to. Instead of wasting your energy with expectations for others, save your energy, and expect less. You will soon realize the unnecessary frustrations you had in your daily life. Life is a journey, and each person is on a different path with different thoughts, feelings, and experiences. It’s not for anyone to judge another, but to accept them, encourage, and love them as much as possible. Can you detach from expectations?
The Mindful Moment: Pro Tips For Life
How many times have you woken up, thrown on some clothes, and rushed through the door?
How soon after that have you become impatient and overreacted or been frustrated by something minuscule? I’m sure you’re nodding to yourself right now. You had no intention of starting your day this way, but it just keeps happening.
When life gets like this, you can change things up by incorporating a few mindful concepts into your life! Here’s how:
Wake up with ambition
Have intention in what you do, feel, and say. Our brain has two states: the unconscious, which has fast-moving signals, and the conscious, where the signals move slower. When we do not think things through and rush based on emotion, our brain leans toward the fast-paced signals, which we do not completely reflect on. When we rush, our brain knows it has to respond, so when you are not fully focused you let your unconscious react instead of the conscious, which often leads to negative or unwanted feelings. Have words you didn’t intend to speak ever slipped out of your mouth? Or have you ever misread someone’s intent, only to realize later you’ve completely missed the ball? That’s the phenomenon we’re talking about.
Having goals and moving with intent keeps your conscious brain focused and functioning, and prevents your unconscious brain from deciding your actions. Conscious thinking allows you to find self-identity and purpose, things that are beyond basic physiological needs like food and safety.
- Mindful moment: This is how you can start:
- When waking up, just take a seat. Relax with good posture.
- Take a few deep breaths with your abdomen. In with the nose, out with the mouth.
- Now ask yourself; what are my intentions today? What are your goals for today? What purpose will I serve today?
- Check throughout the day to see whether you are striving for or achieving these goals.
Enjoy each bite
Why, as humans, are we especially rushed during meals? Society makes it seem as if eating is almost unproductive. Eating is one of the most pleasurable human activities. So why do we constantly catch ourselves gobbling up a plate of food before we even knew it existed? We need to eat more mindfully.
- Mindful moment: This is how to do it:
- Ask yourself: am I actually hungry, or are just eating for the sake of eating? Listen to your body. Many times, I catch myself eating when I’m bored, just for the sake of doing something.
- Before you take your first bite, take a deep breath and drink a glass of water. This allows you to relax and slow your mind down. It allows you to refocus and consciously eat your meal.
- Let the first bite guide your next bite. Chew your food and enjoy the flavors and the nutrition it provides.
Take a break
Life is so busy that most of it are done on autopilot. This is because we consistently go through the same routines. Our mind establishes a set of actions and reactions. It’s easy for our bodies to keep repeating the same steps over and over. Taking a break allows for that mundane process to be broken. This is how you incorporate change into your life. When you are trying to fix something, you don’t repeat the same steps over and over – you try new ideas. Being mindful is the opposite of being on autopilot. The more time you spend being mindful, the more likely it is that you’ll create positive change in your life.
Taking breaks allows you to rethink what you are about to do and remember what you’ve accomplished. This is one way to go from the fast brain to the slow brain and continue your day with intention. Shifting the balance from what you subconsciously do to what you intend to do gives you the power of self-control; that’s why it is important to take a break and reground yourself. Creating change starts from taking a break from the usual.
- Mindful moment: Here’s how to start:
- Do you want to wake up early? Put the alarm clock or cellphone somewhere that requires you to physically get up and turn it off.
- Establish new cycles. Start with something simple. For example; instead of saying “hello”, ask “how are you?”, or before you answer your phone, take a nice deep breath.
- Set a new goal after one is accomplished. Take a break to determine what has already been achieved, then put an objective in its place. This way, you’re always moving forward.
Don’t drive yourself crazy
There is a reason why patience is a virtue. Not everyone has it, and those who claim they do can always use a little extra. (Everyone enjoys rush hour, or that random traffic jam, right?) While most people get built up with rage and frustration that serves no purpose, you can use this time more wisely. Remember about taking a break and coming off autopilot? Or the concept of the fast brain and slow brain? Use this time mindfully. There’s nothing you can do about traffic, but you can just as easily meditate as scowl the yelling gentleman next to you. Take this time to either relax with some deep breaths or plan what you will be doing in the office today.
- Mindful moment: Here’s how to start:
- Take a deep breath and look around you. Everyone in the traffic jam is in the same situation. It is not in your control.
- Think about what you need at this present time. Take a drink if you’re thirsty, or sip your coffee if you’re tired. Stretch your neck, arms, or whatever you feel is tense.
- Mentally plan your day, and leave some room for unexpected events.
- Finally, take one last deep breath and go with the flow. You can turn on the radio, listen to a new song, or get an update from the news.
We cannot stress the importance of physical health. You need a healthy mind and body to feel whole and happy. Running is great for your body. Sign up for the gym, buy some weights, or watching videos about bodyweight workouts are all great ways to start. We may not be able to control all our physical characteristics, but exercise is a great way to improve some of them. You don’t have to just focus on burning calories. You can focus on conditioning your body, mastering finesse, or just simply enjoying the moment. Not only are you improving your health; you’re also learning more about your physicality. Working out also provides some time for yourself, away from the stresses of society.
- Mindful moment: Here’s how to start:
- Know why you are doing it. Is it to get stronger? To look better? Or do you simply enjoy the health benefits exercise brings? It doesn’t matter what your intention is, as long as you know why you are doing it.
- Make sure to stretch and warm-up. Warm-up your muscles every time by stretching or some light exercises. Don’t forget to stretch after your workout as well. This works wonders to prevent injury. The last thing you want is to have lower back pain your first week into exercising.
- Challenge yourself. Don’t get stuck doing the same workout every week. Change things up a bit. There’s nothing worse than being the person who always skips leg day.
5 Lessons For Your Success
Success teaches us to be persistent no matter what stands in your way.
Put your mind where your heart is.
Do something that comes naturally. You have to be mindful of what YOU enjoy, not what others do. Straying from the herd does not necessitate failure. There is no reason for an individual to not make a decent income by doing what they truly enjoy. So just do what you are passionate about.
Acknowledge the game but don’t get discouraged.
You have to know what you are doing and why. Success is a process and motivation is part of the picture. Many people will have the same ideas and goals, it’s your job to differentiate yourself from them. You don’t just become good, you become better, and then you become great. Competition is huge in every career category, add your own spark to open some eyes. It is a tough mental game and consistency is your best friend.
Learn when it’s time to move on.
Being able to accomplish one goal and move on to the next is crucial. Trends change quickly, society can change their minds almost instantaneously. This way your mind is always focused on the next big thing. You have to learn what the market wants, it’s okay to switch from one idea to another. Always doing the same things over and over is boring, don’t fall into this trap of repetition, especially when it brings no benefit or happiness. You need to find when the cap has been reached so you can catch the next bigger and better wave.
The last thing you want is to be so focused on one subject that you let the others lag behind. Can you remember a time where you were stuck studying some random topic for hours then come to realize it’s already 3 am. Yet somehow you still don’t get it. You could have put that topic aside and learned all the others in that same time frame. Efficiency is a key aspect, you have to capture all ideas and accomplish tasks in a timely manner. A good way to assess whether you’re being efficient is looking at the clock, for example, dedicating two hours for a given task. When the 2 hours pass and the task is not done. Assess why wasn’t it done? Decide what needs to be changed, maybe put down the social media or move on to the next task. It’s understandable that you won’t enjoy everything you do in life, that is why good time management is so crucial in allowing you to do what you enjoy with most of your time. You have to be mindful of time because time is a valuable and limited resource.
Don’t undervalue yourself.
If you have a good idea set some time aside and really think about it. Is the idea relevant, purposeful, and achievable? Taking time aside will allow you to know the value of the idea instead of taking on blind faith. You don’t want to be careless and rush into things because of FOMO (fear of missing out) but you also don’t want to miss out on your potential. If you put in more time you will make good ideas even better. This will keep you focused because it is about you, the simple thought of personal progression keeps you motivated. Always be mindful of ways to change, progress, and improve.
What is Self-discipline
Many personal qualities contribute to personal growth and happiness. But to sustain long-term success in every aspect of life, one must master the trait of self-discipline.
Motivation is great, but it’s here today and gone tomorrow, and up and down like a roller-coaster. Self-discipline helps you form habits that stick. Whether you’re procrastinating, using social media too much or just lazy, self-discipline will help you kick these habits.
Self-discipline is the willingness to accept physical, mental, and emotional discomfort.
Theodore Roosevelt once said, “With self-discipline, most anything is possible.”
Successful people understand that discipline is the portal to the attainment of their intentions. The art of self-discipline creates a foundational set of good habits that can help anyone and will help you, to seek things through.
Discipline is developed through repetition. The problem with this, however, is that we often set ourselves up for failure by promising ourselves to go from zero to hero overnight. It doesn’t work that way. The best thing anyone can do is to use the micro-change approach.
Key: Start small, change gradually. Make progress in small increments, but keep doing it every day.
What will help you stick to your goal?
Whenever you aim for a goal or dream, ask yourself the “why”. We need to visualize our dreams. We need to silence negative voices, focus on who we want to be and what we think is right for us. Visualize, and then start making those choices, fueled by self-discipline.
Example: The desire is “I want to get into shape”. Why? Tell yourself why, or write out the benefits. “I want to get into shape because I want to live longer, I want to feel good about myself, I want to be there for my kids.”
Removing distractions is a crucial step to consistently improving your self-discipline. If you’re trying to take more control over your fitness/weight-loss goal, toss the junk food from your house. If you’re in the office and need to be more productive, learn to silence your phone. Set yourself up for success by removing the obstacles that are blocking the path to your goal.
Put off instant gratification to reach more long-term goals. Instant gratification is when “you want it, and you want it now”. Today, instant gratification has been put on a pedestal – literally, everything we want is at our fingertips. But true success and becoming who we truly want to do not come instantly. It takes time, patience, and discipline.
Other ways to improve self-discipline
Set clear goals
A clear plan outlines each step you must take to reach your finish line.
Don’t wait until it “feels right”
Changing habits and routines will feel awkward and uncomfortable. Breaking a bad habit needs to be an active decision – and it’ll feel wrong because your brain is programmed for old habits.
Meditation can put your mind at ease and set the right tone for the rest of the day. Mediating will also help you realize how often your mind is on auto-pilot, guiding you to unwanted habits.
An organized life is a disciplined life. Start small. For example, today, organize your desk drawer. Work to achieve organization in both your personal and professional life.
This is a no-brainer. Sleep is connected to one’s ability to discipline oneself. Getting enough sleep is a vital prerequisite to getting things done. If you struggle to get a decent night’s sleep, try naps!
Getting discouraged is easy, and giving up takes a lot less effort than pushing through a challenge. To develop self-discipline, be persistent in your desire to reach your goal and have a strong “why”.
The self-disciplined person spends less time debating about their behavior and makes positive decisions more easily. Disciplined people control their impulses and feelings, and act on rational decisions. They don’t overly stress or get upset about the future.
Self-discipline is a hidden gem that allows you to regain your life and freedom.
How do you practice self-discipline in your life?
Know Your Mistakes
We all make mistakes because we are not perfect – but take responsibility for all of them. Things happen. Lessons in life are there for a reason: so you can learn. Acknowledge your errors and move forward with this new wisdom.
There are 2 types of choices:
Ones we truly believe will lead to good
We make some choices because we hope they will be beneficial. But they don’t always turn out in our favor. For example, no one likes exams, but how else can you evaluate skills? You hammer out a bunch of hours studying but fall short of your due date. Now what? You thought your actions would lead to good results, but it didn’t. Now, it’s your responsibility to change and prepare longer for the next exam. You thought you’d done enough, but you missed the mark. And that’s okay. Take it as a lesson that will help you improve.
Ones we choose even though it is the lesser of two
These mistakes can get really nasty and come back to bite you if made repeatedly. Repetition is good, but not in this situation. Let’s say the situation before you decide to stay home and be productive – to catch up on bills – or go out for the night. You know you should probably stay in, and you know you will have plenty of opportunities to go out. But you decide to go out this time. And next time, and the next. Now you’re really behind, stuck in an endless game of catch-up. The sooner you get out of that situation, the better off you will be.
Know which mistakes you are making, and why. Be mindful of your mistakes. They will happen, so it’s your job to benefit from them and promote change in your life. By realizing and acknowledging your mistakes, you learn and grow as an individual. This is how you succeed in life and become the person you strive to be.
Benefits of Meditation
The benefits of meditation are no longer a secret.
Have you ever wondered why the happiest, most successful people practice meditation? The answer is simple: when adequately developed, meditation yields benefits such as self-awareness, better concentration, and lower stress levels.
Meditation involves focusing on the present moment, breathing, and being in touch with your body sensations. Most people use their minds all day long. Doesn’t your mind deserve a break? Just like any part of your body, it needs a rest from constant thinking.
Our thoughts are a huge distraction that affects our quality of life. Your thoughts do everything possible to distract you. They make you chase them down and give them attention. As your day carries on, you get completely lost in thought, without realizing you haven’t had a chance to tap into your inner self. Our body and mind are on constant autopilot.
Just imagine how many thoughts you have on a daily basis. If you have so much running around in your mind, how can you realize who you are within?
If you’re thinking of starting meditation, consider some of its benefits:
Meditation reduces stress
Managing stress is a common reason why people try meditation. The latest neurobiological research shows that mediation affects the amygdala, the “fight or flight” area of the brain (1). The amygdala filters emotions such as anxiety, fear, and stress. That area of the brain shrinks when you practice meditation, which correlates to a reduction in stress levels.
High-stress levels also correlate with higher levels of cortisol. This hormone increases inflammation, which promotes anxiety, fatigue, and disrupts sleep. An eight-week study found that meditation reduces stress-related inflammation (2).
The typical coping strategies for anxiety are to “take a time-out” or “take a few deep breaths.” These two strategies are basically what meditation encompasses, but with more effectiveness. When we get anxious, we’re usually concerned about the future. An eight-week study found that mindfulness meditation helped to reduce anxiety and other anxiety-related disorders such as phobias, social anxiety, and paranoid thoughts (3).
Mind and Performance
Meditation allows you to focus your thoughts on an object or sound, rather than on trying to achieve a more precise mind to focus. In one study, students practiced meditation for 20 minutes a day and showed improvement in their cognitive skills (4). Some students did ten times better than the control group that did not meditate.
Strengthens you against pain
If you apply the same pain stimuli to the same body part, wouldn’t you feel the same amount of pain? In a study of the Journal of Neuroscience, led by Fadel Zeidan, Ph. D, volunteers attended four 20-minute meditation courses. Heat at 120 degrees was applied to their calves, and the results showed that 57 percent of them felt less unpleasant pain and 40 percent less intense pain (5). Maybe meditation will be part of the future treatments as we work to address America’s opioid crisis!
Meditation helps manage ADHD
I think we all have a little ADHD (Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder) because of our highly active lifestyles and addictions to technology. In a study with 50 adult ADHD patients, the use of mindfulness-based cognitive therapy resulted in a reduction in hypersensitivity and reduced impulsivity (5).
Emotional well-being is vital if we are to meet the demands of society and function in our everyday lives. Eating better, positive thinking, and exercise are crucial to well-being. A study conducted at the University of Utah with 38 subjects linked meditation to greater emotional stability, better self-rated emotional control, and lower pre-sleep arousal (6).
Reduced blood pressure
Some 75 million American adults have high blood pressure – that’s 1 in 3 adults (7)! High blood pressure puts you at risk of heart disease and stroke. No wonder it’s called the “silent killer”! After using an experimental technique called “relaxation response,” two-thirds of patients with high blood pressure showed a significant drop in blood pressure, which resulted in less need for medication (8).
Meditation for loneliness, depression
Depression is one of the most common mental illnesses; it affects 16 million American adults each year (9). Researchers at UCLA showed a decrease in loneliness and depression in seniors who participated in an 8-week meditation program (10). Similarly, in a study of 400 students aged between 13 and 20 in Belgium, students followed a mindfulness program, and afterward reported reduced depression, anxiety, and stress (11). These results persisted six months after the mindfulness program ended.
How to enjoy the benefits
There’s no doubt that meditation is beneficial – but can you get results from just one session? Probably not. To receive the full benefits of meditation, you have to incorporate it into your daily life. It only takes a few minutes a day. Soon enough, you’ll love emptying your thoughts, and meditation will become the best part of your day!