EP 231: The Secrets to Healthy Sexuality: A Sex Therapist’s Insights with Rossana Sida

Why did you become a Sex therapist? What did you find so fascinating about it that you wanted to pursue it?
Looking at an article from Gitnux: 32% of people that watch porn believe their porn habits are problematic or addictive, 56% of divorce cases involve one party having an obsessive interest in porn.
- Have you seen a lot of cases of porn addiction? Why does it happen?
  - Typically those who compulsively or habitually watch porn it is due to a feeling of loneliness, isolation, a feeling that they cannot be themselves around others, or that relationships with others drain them. They go to porn then to feel a part of something fun and pleasurable where they can just let their inhibitions go.
    - So are they divorcing because of the porn watching, probably not. They are already feeling lonely and isolating themselves or looking for a nonjudgemental place to be themselves. That’s a couples issues.
Who struggles more with sex men or women? Why?
- They both have their own struggles. The most common struggles for men are erectile dysfunction, using porn more than they’d like, and wanting more or less sex than their partner.
- Women most commonly struggle with the impacts of sexual trauma, lack of pleasure in sex, painful sex, and mismatched desire for sex.
- My theory is that men are more focused on performance.
- What are the typical struggles or thoughts that men go through vs. women?
  - Men = Performance due to expectations of what it is to be masculine, you’re not a man if you can’t get hard/want sex all the time/want to be more submissive in the bedroom, and able to become desirous for sex quickly or spontaneously
  - All men want is sex/ pressure to keep their men satisfied, only able to desire sex if the stars are aligned or it’s been a good day or after steps, responsive
Does bad sex lead to a bad relationship?
- Sex is a big part of any serious relationship and I’ve found that a lot of relationships and marriages fall off if there is a lack of sex. Phases/Seasons
- Why do some couples have sex but then find it hard to talk about sex with each other? The world finds it hard to talk about sex, and that’s why. It is not normalized. No practice. Even in medical and therapeutic settings, it has been documented that unless a doctor specifically asks about sex, patients will not bring it up first. Also fear of judgment from partner
How can women and men increase their libido or sexual drive?
- Men are focused on having peak testosterone levels and lots of times take supplements to promote it or even go on TRT.
  - Always good to check in with your doctor about hormone levels for both men and women if they’re experiencing a lack of desire, erectile issues, vaginal dryness, pain with sex.
- Is there anything you recommend for men and women to increase their sex drive? Supplements, sleep, exercise?
  - The basics of taking care of yourself, sleep, eating right, exercise, and if that is as good as it’s going to get then prioritizing and finding what it is you’re really looking for (touch, attention, etc.)
- Can working the night shift affect it?
  - Absolutely, if partners are two ships passing in the night then their mindset will be in opposite places. Other than that, working the night shift people often lack sleep, sun, socialization with friends and all of these things can affect how sexy we feel. When we lack sleep our hormones don’t always have time to restore to their proper levels and so it can result in a lack of desire and erectile issues, less lubricating.
How does sex and the perception of sex affect people who have been sexually assaulted?
- It looks different for everyone but some common themes are: Have a lot of sex so that they can feel like they are in control of their sex life and their body but what’s going on here is that they have the sex bc of underlying beliefs of lets beat them to the punch. OR they avoid sex, only have sex out of obligation or duty, or dissociate during sex. Or some people are just fine having sex within the context of a safe rx afterwards but they may have triggers pop up from time to time.
- What does the healing process look like?
  - Finding the person’s beliefs about the event, their fault, why it happened, how it has impacted their views of self, others, and the world (can’t trust anybody or questioning higher power) and working through each of those beliefs that are not helping them.
- Sex is such a big part of life, how does it affect relationships when someone is unable to have sex or is uncomfortable with it
  - Partners begin to feel unloved, unattractive, unfulfilled
Have you seen an increase in Non-Monogamy?
- Can you explain a non-monogamous relationship?
  - Yes, there has been an increase in various types of non-monogamy
    - Swingers: swap sexual partners
    - Open: sexual contact
    - Polygamy: marriage with multiple
    - Pulyamour: romantic relationships with others
    - Throuple/Triad: a monogamous relationship with more than 2